Hmm...I don't really know the actual reason why people create blogs, but I don't really have any purpose for this at all besides blowing off a little steam and not keeping everything bottled up...kinda like a free therapist haha. I intend on keeping this making this blog a little more personal than just a random "Hey look what I found on youtube" kind of blog. But anyway, I think a proper introduction is in order if I intend on having any kind of audience know who I am.
My name is Darryl, I am an 18 year old high school graduate and I'm getting ready to attend Troy University in August. I'm usually very well put together in crazy situations, and I'm a little reserved. I also hate to show emotion or anything that will end up making me feel vulnerable. I am also gay...but that's not who I am...just my sexual preference. I would like to think that my life is a lot deeper than that. So now that the basics are taken care of, how about I scratch the surface on what's been going on in my life...
I guess I'll go back to the beginning of my Senior year of high school before my life started to crumble before my eyes. I started my final year of high school with close friends, a car, a boy friend, and the school year had all the potential in the world to be the best year ever...of course life just never pans out that way. My boyfriend, Kevin of about two months broke up with me (and for good reason)...he was 32 at the time and I was 17 (completely weird I know, but I guess that's just how love works sometimes), and although our relationship was legal in our state of Alabama, it was still a situation neither one of us spoke a word about to anybody we associated with, to avoid complications. But the day my mom raided my laptop and found out I was not only gay, but also in a relationship with a man...it was all over. My mother is a little less than sane and sensible and the fact that she knew I was dating somebody (regardless of her knowing his age) scared the living soul out of Kevin. I called and told him moments after the episode with my mom and he ended it, and that was that with Kevin for about two months. I did not call him anymore at that point.
So there went my potential long term relationship...down the flusher. But at least I had my friends, school work, a decent job as a waiter at Cracker Barrel, and learning new percussion music for marching band to keep me more than busy. I also became very close to a kid in my graduating class, named Tyler. We did everything together...his mom works as a manager at Burger King which was where I used to work. I have always known Tyler since I moved to that part of town 8 years ago, but we were never friends. It wasn't until I used to give him rides home, because he and his mom shared vehicles, that we figured we actually liked each other enough to call each other friends. Don't get me wrong, as far as I know he is completely straight and I was only after his friendship. I never looked at him that way at all.
The months rolled by pretty quickly and somehow, my Senior year turned out to be my break out year...I was finding out who I really was. For the first time, I was meeting other gay guys for dating, or just randomly hooking up. Everything felt fast and although I wasn't doing drugs or partying my life away, it still seemed as if nothing at all could come out of what I was doing and how I was taking on the guys I were meeting. I had never realised it, but things just go so fast when pursuing a gay relationship, and the guys are usually very ok with hooking up the very moment they meet somebody, and at the time so was I.
Now I was on an actual gay hookup site checking out all the guys who were "my type." I met a few and of course hooked up. Then I had a rather frightening experience which was enough to tell me to slow down. The guy lied and told me a lot of stuff to get me to his house, which was basically in the middle of nowhere...then he ended up calling a "buddy" over who was way older than the age he said he was and well I was pretty much stuck there, them willing to do whatever they wanted. Although surprisingly, nothing too bad happened, it could have been a lot worse and I vowed to take it slow...or so I thought.
This guy who had been eyeing me on that gay site for months finally gave me his email address and we started chatting one night. Being the horny 17 year old I was I gave into him and we agreed to meet in what was probably a matter of minutes of chatting. After a session of what was supposed to be meaningless relations, we actually drove back to the parking lot where we met and hit it off for hours. His name was Wendell and he was 24 (at least a little closer to my age right) working for a moving company and still living with his parents. We decided that we should keep in touch, and we did. Wendell was like my true gay break through. He took me to parties with his gay friends, I kinda understood more about what it was to actually date a gay guy who had a similar lifestyle and mind set as me, and I also felt closer to him than any other guy so early on in the relationship.
We hung out all of my week long Thanksgiving break and while spending a night in a cheap motel, we decided to make it official. It was Thanksgiving morning at 1:10 am...I could not have been happier. But of course...all good things must come to an end, right?
I was in what felt like a great relationship with a very cool guy, but at the same time I got back in touch with my ex, Kevin. Nothing at all sexual of course...we didn't even meet. Only continued our friendship over the phone. I also still communicated with one of my older "prospects," Marc, a guy I kind of dated but never really made it official with before I met Wendell. Having these two in my life while dating Wendell didn't wreck my relationship, but merely stirred the pot.
Like a lot of relationships ours started off great, but then just started to show signs that it wasn't going to pan out...he became very distant and began to become engulfed in his work and made no time for us. He even said once that his job comes before any kind of relationship....but on a flip side, he still made time to go to parties and movie nights with his friends instead of being with me. So I started hanging out with Marc and Kevin again...innocently enough (well at first anyway), but of course it only added to confusion and frustration between the two of us. To make a long story even longer, we broke up after 4 months of dating..and it was hard. Especially after everything else that went wrong during those short months. My idiot mother let our water go off (indefinitely) because she quit her job because she was "tired of feeling like a robot" and didn't have any kind of back up plan or any money saved up. My car also caught on fire due to severely over heating and it was not salvageable. Then on top of those problems I was expected to over come a broken heart...it was too much. I wish I could sit here and blab on about all the late night text messages and the depression that followed, but it would only stir up more emotion that I don't want to feel.
But now flashing forward, I'm now forced to be ok with the whole Wendell situation since we both agreed (in an angrily fashion) to cease communication all together. And I have now moved on and I'm currently dating a really nice guy by the name of Quinton. We haven't made anything official, partially because we have only been talking for a little over a month and also because I am leaving for Troy, which is almost three hours away, in about a month...but who knows what will happen with us...hopefully it goes well.
As for the relationship with my friends...going back a few months, Tyler completely fucked me over. None of my schoolmates knew anything about me being gay...or at least they didn't know for sure, but Tyler would make sure to fix that. Before we graduated he teamed up with this jealous faggot named Taylor who started some rumor about me being involved with some (imaginary) person in band through text messages. And Tyler took that upon himself to tell EVERYBODY I was associated with...and this happened months before he told me. I knew people were acting weird around me and Tyler completely ignored me for like two months...but I didn't really know or care with everything else that was happening with my home situation and the break up with Wendell. But eventually he slipped up and tried to spread his "theories" about my sexuality to my only genuine friend, Sara, and she stopped the bull right in its tracks. She told me what he had been up to immediately and he had no choice but to confess and as much as it killed me, I showed absolutely no emotion. I didn't blow up at him...I told him he was wrong and we weren't friends of course, but that was it. Now he won't leave me alone. He ignored me for months while he was spreading stuff about me, and now he wants to be like my best friend or something, and it pisses me off because I think he's just being selfish and talking to me to only make himself feel better about it...and the worse part...he's going to be my roommate at Troy until I can get a private room. Kill me now!
But that's it for now...maybe somebody will read this...maybe they won't. Hopefully more to come. So now I hope you have an idea of what kind of life I am living at the moment and cross your fingers for me and hope that things get better! haha
-Darryl
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