Letting It All Hang Out

Phew...an update, finally! Well I've been a little busy this past week...mainly with Q, which I am happy to say all is still very well and I hope it remains that way. This past Saturday we took a little road trip to meet up with a few of his friends (but mainly his bestie, Terry) for a little fun, plus Terry wanted to meet me, which felt really good because it kind of made me feel accepted in a way. And although our destination was no place fancy (it was a country little town called Carbon Hills...or Springs...I forget), but we had a whole day of activities lined up. We got there and the first person I saw was of course, Terry, who welcomed us both with open arms. Then I saw their friend, Allie (and her infamous boobies) following behind him. Then following Allie, was Jessica, Terry's little sister who is just a year older than me. Just breaking the ice was well enough. They gave off a good vibe and I felt right at home. We swam and played around in the water like a bunch of kids until it was time to get ready for "Karaoke Night" at this rest stop. We all showered (mine a little longer than everybody else's which I think kinda annoyed Q, but oh well) and meet up with the rest of their friends before heading to the Karaoke bar-thingy. We stayed there for hours before we left and ended up staying the night at Terry's. Since Terry lives with his folks, there is a very strict no sex rule (or at least gay sex anyway) in the house, so there was no showering together, kissing (which we did plenty of in the car), or anything in the  house. We even slept in different places. The next day we ended up going to a (very small) birthday party for Terry's ex-boyfriend which was fun in it's own way. Then back to Terry's to get our stuff together and make our way back to Q's apartment. 

Spending so much time with Q is starting to make me realize that there maybe he is the one for me. We have the same goofy sense of humor, we are never bored with each other, nothing is forced, and we just click so well...I don't know what I'm gonna do if fate isn't on our side. We aren't necessarily going in different directions in life, it's just that we are so young and at different points right now. He is going through job interview after job interview (which is a process that is going very well, and I am super proud of him) and I'm just getting my feet wet in the real world, not really knowing what to expect. We still haven't made any "real" commitment to each other yet but it's clear that we want each other and have no interest in dating anybody else. I'm a little scared, but it's natural I suppose. 

As for some random stuffy stuff, I've started working on a new look for myself. Nothing completely different or drastic. I got my hears pierced (16 gauge black hoops) and I got my left rook pierced (blue spike) and I LOVES it. I'm also training my (naturally straight) hair to wave. I want those cool 360 degree waves you see on those hot black models yum. They are starting to form, but it'll be some weeks before they are perfect. I don't wanna use chemicals or too much product. I've also joined this newer gay networking site called Daily Queer and if there are any gays out there reading this, you should sign up. It's very comparable to Facebook except you can post dirty pictures if you want. And it is more of a networking site, rather than a gay hook up site. If you in fact do make an account, feel free to check out My Profile and add me or something. 

Well that's all got for you today...I'll try to update soon, although next week is probably going to a busy one considering I leave for Troy next Saturday!

An Active Week

Well a lot has been going on lately and I've just been waiting for things to build up a bit so I'd actually have something to write about. Some events that have taken place over these past couple of weeks have been great...and others well, not so much I guess. Nothing too extreme though. Nothing I'm not particularly used to, I guess. 

About a week ago, I attended college orientation (better known as Troy IMPACT), which was a two day process of being separated by parents, meeting new students, and picking classes...not to mention the miscellaneous partying that took place; yes all ready! I actually had some fun though. We had a hilarious group leader named Erica who was really cool. And I met a few people when we were trapped in a room for like three hours while Erica and Caitlyn, the other leader helped us pick our classes and made our schedules. And surprisingly I met a boy on this trip. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: With all the boy trouble in my life, why even consider adding another to the mix? And you're right...it's not worth my time. But I think I've made a friend in him. His name is Eddie and we have a lot in common; from our style to music, we really clicked pretty well. And I admit...he followed me to my dorm room and things got a little "touchy" and I felt incredibly guilty. I told Q moments after it happened hoping he wouldn't think the worse of me, and he didn't. He was actually very okay with it. We are not committed to each other and he kinda understood. But I promised that I would not hook up with anybody while we are on a romantic level. I just don't have the conscience for it...what can I say? I'm smitten.

Speaking of which, me and Q spent a completely wonderful four days together when I got back from Troy (the night I got back actually because me and Mom came home to a dark house due to the fact she didn't pay the bill). It was great! I can totally see myself being with him and happy.  Friday we spent the day at the mall before going to see the new Harry Potter movie. We went to Gap and saw my friend Rickey (who I met through my ex-boyfriend, Wendell). We chatted for a few minutes and decided to hang out later that night. We ended up settling on going to the club later on around midnight. Q and I got there before he did and of course there he was: my ex-boyfriend Wendell.  I tried to kinda maneuver around him without him noticing but he saw me and pulled me over into a bear hug. I'm guessing he had been feeling a little friendly since he had been drinking. I just asked him how he was doing and asked where Rickey was and pretty much went about my business. I saw him ALL night...and when I left we hugged again and he told me to be careful as he gave a friendly smile towards Q. The situation wasn't terribly awkward, but for days after (including right now) it triggered all the feelings and hurt I felt when we were together. I know I don't want him anymore, but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him even a little. But I'm not bold enough to try and contact him...especially after vowing not to. I kind of wish I never saw him...I am over him as my boyfriend and all, but it's never easy seeing an ex and so soon after ending communication. I think I took a few steps back after seeing him and now it's back to "purging" him again. 

But besides the Wendell "sighting" the club was fun. Q and I had a good time, although I was kind of disappointed that Josh (Rickey's hubby) didn't show up because he had to work. So to make it up to me, we hung out today. Just went shopping and grabbed a bite to eat. We visited Rickey at the Gap and talked for a bit. He asked me a lot of questions about college and stuff and I told him my position with Q. About how I don't know how long I'll be at Troy because I'm willing to change schools out of state if Q get's an out of state job, and he reacted to me as if I was stupid. It was one of those moments where although he didn't really say anything about it, his body language and mannerism told me what he thought of the idea. I kinda didn't like that, considering Rickey has no place to judge me, but I think that just may be how he is, so I tried not to take it personally. I mean, as long as I think it's right then it's ok...it's MY life, and plans change. Who knows how I'll feel or what will be going on in a year...everything could change in a year. But oh well...we shall see. 

Halfway Relieved.

Lots of things happening these days. For starters I have officially quit my job at Cracker Barrel after saving up a pretty hefty amount of cash. I'm confident that I won't go broke for a while...hopefully I'll manage until I get a job down in Troy. I admit, it is kind of weird...it's Monday and I have NOTHING to do. Haha I think  it's something I can get used to real quick. 

On another note, I came home today after spending yet another wonderful weekend with Q (and spending like 64 bucks at good old American Eagle), that my mother bought me a towel set and a sheet/comforter set for college. I was so banking on having to buy that crap myself. But thankfully she went ahead and bought it, so that's two things I can cross off of my list. 

As for the Q situation, well things are the same and I'm happy. I can't help but to feel all giddy when I'm around him, and I kind of feel a little sad when we say goodbye. I'm trying hard not to rush into anything and keep these emotions under control and all, but I'm really starting to think I'm falling for him even more. Maybe even in love? With both of our lives being so unpredictable and all over the place, I don't necessarily think think I want to allow myself to fall too hard for him, but on the other hand, deep down I think I know. I want to be with him. I don't have eyes for anybody else, and I don't care about being with or hooking up with anybody but him. It's just as simple as that. I kind of think he can sense it, but we don't talk about it. We just enjoy each other's company. We don't even always have sex and we still love being around each other. I just wish things were simpler and it would just happen. But I guess I'll have to wait a few more weeks to see what he plans on us doing when I'm away....

Dizzy...literally.

Okay, so I've told you about Q, my love interest and all. And we all know that this past weekend was Independence Day. Well I had no plans the beginning of that day, considering my mother left earlier that morning to help my granny BBQ, which was fine with me because I wanted to sleep-in anyway.
When I finally did wake up, around two-ish, I got a text from Kevin, my friend/ex. Apparently he wanted to hang out, but didn't know if he could or not because his father had been hinting all day about wanting to go fishing together. I don't really mind going off with Kevin, because we have fun and I like seeing him, but for like the first time, I just really wasn't too interested. I wouldn't have told him no, but I don't think I would've enjoyed myself...my mind was on Q.
So some really long and boring hours of watching television and playing The Sims 3 goes by and at around six or so, Q finally texts me and eventually asks if I wanted to hang out with him. Of course I eagerly accepted...all giddy and shit. But he told me he had to wait on his step-mom to bring over some food or something before he could leave. An hour goes by and he sends me a text message saying his dad told her not to bring him anything and that he should go over there and see his family...fair enough I guess. So he told me he'll see me a little later cuz he just wanted to make an appearance and be on his way......
....FOUR AND A HALF HOURS LATER...he finally tells me he's on his way still after being guilt tripped by his father for leaving. It's like almost midnight now, so he comes up with this brilliant plan to go clubbing. I kind of like that sort of thing every now and then so I agreed but only if we drink first, because otherwise I just find the whole thing boring...but everything's fun when you're drunk, right?
So we meet and get to his apartment so he can change clothes and he has some Smirnoff Vodka that's been sitting on his kitchen island for ages (or since I've met him anyway), and I know that vodka does NOT agree with me at all. The first time I got drunk off of vodka at a party when I was 16, I got out of control and looked like a complete idiot...it was awful. Not to mention the horrible feeling I got while being drunk...vodka is not good drunk in my opinion. But of course I drink Q's vodka anyway. He had a couple of sips here in there but I pretty much drank it myself...and it wasn't long before the crazy belligerent drunk came out and to the point where our clubbing plans were pretty much over, considering the lesbian bouncer wouldn't stand for admitting a completely wasted 18 year old into their club. So Q basically had to take care of my loud ass, attempting (in vain) to calm me down.
I don't remember much at all so the story would probably be more effective told from his point of view, but hey, he doesn't blog...and besides I didn't really ask to know every detail anyway, in fear of embarrassment. But he took care of me...even when the gallons of vomit came. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I threw up...a lot, which so weird because no matter how bad I get, I never throw up, which is another reason for me to stay the hell away from vodka.
At some point I finally (literally) passed out on the sofa and woke up some hours later feeling like I was so close to death, and alone on his couch. I remember feeling really really bad and just forcing myself back to sleep. I woke up again feeling worse some time later and Q had joined me on the couch, asleep on the opposite end. This time around I was tossing and turning feeling terrible. Everything ached and I was so light headed. I got up and went to the bathroom, of course upon walking out I found myself charging to the toilet (my new best friend) to throw up, but instead, considering there was nothing left to throw up, I just starting retching and dry heaving...horrible feeling....then I got back on his sofa him still asleep, and then I noticed I was naked. Now before you get the wrong idea, apparently during my drunken episode, I threw up on my jeans and Q told me to take them off and told me to hop in the shower but instead I took off all of my clothes and walked to the living room where I passed out on the sofa instead.
But he took care of me, even while I was hungover. I stayed on his couch all day feeling like complete crap. He got me something to eat and made me feel better about the whole thing like it was no big deal.
It may sound stupid, but after all of that drunken nonsense, I actually think I like him more. I don't want anybody but him and I hope he feels the same about me. I know he likes me, and I know he's really apprehensive because of the distance from his town to Troy, but I hope he gives in and takes a chance....besides I'm kinda tired of being yet another victim of unrequited love.