Fuck Me for Trying.

ALSO POSTED ON MY PERSONAL SITE WWW.BLOGGINGDUCK.WEBS.COM

Well, it's been an active week since the last time I posted. As we all know, Monday was good 'ol Martin Luther King Jr. Day and most of us (or at least a good amount of us anyway) had the day off. I was no exception of course. Classes were not in session, which gave me an extraordinarily long weekend. Now this was enough time for me to sort out just about everything I needed to do. I kinda had this check list of stuff.

1. Get money from parents (considering the money can't be wired because my acct is overdrawn)
2. Do laundry and bedding, considering it hadn't been washed since before Christmas break
3. FInd everything I forgot to bring from home.

So that list was made earlier during the week, when the elongated weekend was just an anticipated glimmer in our eyes. I didn't think I'd have a hard time finding a way home, but time soon proved me wrong. I asked two friends of mine if they were going home or not, and they said they were planning to and agreed to let me tag along. Cool. So that problem was solved until that Tuesday or Wednesday (can't remember) they told me they had changed their minds because it might rain. So the only two people I thought to call were my mother and my boyfriend. The boyfriend was tangled up with work and homework assignments so him picking me up Friday night was out of the question. Mom agreed and said she would work on finding a way down here since her truck barely made the trip when she dropped me off in August. So once again, cool. Problem solved. Called my dad and ask for a little money for books and I was set. Wasn't until Thursday and Friday when my glorious mother decides to ignore all of my phone calls and texts. So I call the boyfriend again and he finally agrees to pick me up on Sunday if my mom can't make it. I even sent a text message to my mom explaining that I would be picked up by Quinton...still no reply. So Quinton makes the long trip to Troy and we hang out in my dorm for a while. He cuts my hair and we make up for the two weeks of not being together and are on our way back to busy Birmingham, Alabama.

I got home at about nine or so that night and my mom was (as expected) knocked out cold from her nightcap of psych-meds and cheap beer. I struggled to wake her out the foggy slumber and she finally drug herself upright and realized what was going on. I asked her why she'd been avoiding my calls and she said because she was done with it. Never had any plans on picking me up or anything. Why didn't she just say that? Why does she always send me on a wild goose chase instead of just being honest with me? But anyway, enough with the world's unsolvable questions...I then asked her if she was off Monday and she was so I told her she needed to take me back home after we pick up the money my dad left me at my grandmother's house. Problem. She didn't want to...she also hadn't asked anybody about switching vehicles in order to pick me up from Troy (so she obviously didn't ask anybody to help take me back). So i called my grandmother (my mother's mother) and got her to agree on letting us use the car to get me back to school.

Monday Noon:
I was in the process of finishing laundry as I am being severely rushed by my mom saying that my grandmother was pissed because I'm taking "all day?"
A few minutes later I actually get a call from my grandmother....cussing me out because she's ready to go. Since when was she going with us? She said her back was out last night when I asked to use the car....just one more stress and distraction because now I am frantically throwing my wet comforter and clothes into a trash bag because I didn't have time to finish. We make it to Grandma's and end up staying for like 30 or 40 mins just shooting the breeze because my cousin popped by. So I was rushed for nothing. And on top of that, since I was in such a rush, I forgot my keys so we had to drive all the way back to my mom's house anyway. Her dumb ass was talking about mailing my key...to what mailbox? I don't have a P.O. box and then she said she'd just buy me one and mail my dorm key down there. So she was gonna spend $20 on a P.O. box that I don't need just so she can mail a key to me that we could get in 20 mins...stupidity at its best. I finally begged her to go back to the house so I can just get my precious dorm key. After that we were on the road to Troy and chatted idly...until Granny had something to say.

Yup...Granny spoke up about my sexuality and how it's a big choice and decision to make that often devastates the family. She also said that my lifestyle is dangerous and shouldn't be taken lightly. I should also think about going to therapy, because everybody needs therapy and guidance/counselling...especially people who are confused. So needless to say, it was a very awkward conversation. I'll spare every incriminating detail, partly because most of it went into one ear and out the other. So we finally arrive at Troy and ate dinner at the cafeteria with some of my friends. They left, and that was that.

Things are normal once again...busy in school (wishing I was not here in Troy). The good thing is that I have books this time around. Thank God for that! And I recently found out that the position at the cleaners has been filled...and not by me. So I am broke and will be broke until only God knows when...but at least I can say I tried. I'm just looking forward to the day in my life when this will all be worth while. Until then, I'll be here struggling to smoothen out my rigid little life.

-darryl aka dap

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